- June 1st, 2010
"He just wouldn't understand." I retorted as he gave me that worried glance.
"How do you know that for sure?" he asked questioningly.
My eyes dropped from his. Maybe because I don't want to tell him? "I just do ok? He wouldn't."
He wasn't convinced. Then again Reid never fell for my foolish acts, never. "Did you give him the chance to?"
Why would i? "No. I don't want to put a burden on him." Bret isn't the guy to understand, I don't even want him to try. Not that he would even do that.
He hummed a tune to himself before he replied to me, "Just give the guy a chance."
Reid's eyes met mine, his jade green eyes reflected mine. I couldn't look away. That is, before he broke our eye contact, "Why not?"
I was losing excuses, Get off my back dude...
"Stop it. I can't. I won't. He wouldn't understand." i said as we approached my house. i walked up through the pave way to my door and didn't take the time to look back at him.
Then he said something, something i couldn't make sense of, "Then find the person who wiil."
Uh what? I turned back to him and realized the yards of space between us.
"What do you-"
He cut me off before i could finish, "See ya, Cassie." he waved behind his back as he continued walking. Leaving me pondering and pondering of what he meant. He had to be wrong. Nobody will ever understand.
Sitting down on my couch i recalled the bruise on my left arm. I stared at it for a while. Maybe seconds. Maybe minuets. I don't know how long, but however long i spent looking at that mark, it would never take back the moments it took to put it on me, all of the marks i have on my body, nobody or anything could change those moments. Not now.
I remember everything about that evning. The color of the sky. The smell of the salt from the ocean breeze. The scream of his voice. The loud percing, heart breaking, ear bleeding voice. Everything.
I wish it would just stop. Please make it stop. I hate this. So. Fucking. Much.
The first thing i can remember was the whip of his hands throwing in the air. I dodged the swingning of them before taking a sprint to the kitchen.
"Stop it!" I screeched completely scared out of my mind.
His throat coughed before he yelped back, "I'm the boss around here now get you ass over here now!"
My heart thumped to the harsh tone he exhaled. The contiuosly pouring tears continued to shed.
The tears were welding up in my eyes and making it hard to see. He would win. He always wins.
Feriously he stomped his way closer to me, in retreat i took steps back, "I'm going to count to three if you dont get over here by three i will kill you."
Thats the last thing i remember fom that night, all i want to remember, if i could, i would forget all of it, along with everything else pointless that has happned, everything horrible that has happened. Only if i could...-"Hey."
Surprised i jumped and shot my head toward the voice. Almost weakly I whinced, "Hey Dad."
His prickling black hairs on his chin were gross, his gray dark eyes were hurendous, I hate you.
Normal as he could be, he plotted on the couch beside me, "How was school?"
Slugglsihly I lacked on answering him, "Fine."
It is these conversations that I wish he would stop continuing.One day he is trying to be the wrold's best Dad, then oher nights, he is the world's worse night mare. Great.
"Just fine? How are them boys at school? They must like a pretty thing like you right?" Don't make me barf.
"I don't know." He doesn't know about Bret, not that i would introduce them even if i did like Bret, he is an ass hole, then again, they might get along well huh? He knows Reid, not well, he can't even remember his name, weird 'considering we've known Reid for what, eigth years? Who knows.
"Well maybe you just got to put yourslef out ther ya know?" Oh my God. Go. Away.
Trying not to make it to notceable of my obvious discomfort i stood up slowly, "Maybe." then i made my escape, up the stairs and to my room. Safe.
There i fell to my bed and hugged a pillow to me. Why do you wake up? Can't i just sleep forever? I never ever want to wake up. Wake up to him. Him. Him. HIm! Fuck. I wish he would leave, i can take care of myslef. I do take care of myself. Or i could live with Grams, but she is old, i'd be a burden. I would do anything to get out of this hell.
Staring at me ceiling i hear my cell phone go off. Text message. Grabbing my phone off my dresser i opened my message.
"Reid." i said with a smile.
Hey Cass, hope everything is alright, if it isnt text me, call me, idc come to my house. Door is unlocked for you in case you need me, like always.
Holding my grin i clicked the center button to reply. Hah, thanks Bud. I'm ok, Dad had another one of those creepy moments I've told you 'bout. Lol. But if i need you I'll get a hold of ya.
As the sending bar appeared on my screen i layed back on my bed pulling the covers over me. He always finds away to make me smile. Best freind ever.
Agin hearing my ohone go off i opened the message.
Lol I'm sorry, that must make you unstable huh? Or shall i say, more unstable then you already are;)...jk:) Haha.
Laughing i replied without hesitating. You making fun of me!? Wanna fight brooo? Lol:)
Our texting kept going on and on. We always do this until one of us falls asleep.
Half asleep i heard my phone go off again for probably the fifyth time now tonight.
"Oh." i said in a sigh seeing a message from Bret.
Thinking first i didn't reply. He always does this, so late too. He gets home late like every night. I don't know why, I don't ask.
Quickly i replied, Night.
Laying my head deeper into my pillow i slid under my covers more. Tomorrow is school. Tuesday. Just great. Damn I hate Tuesdays. I have to walk Bret home again. I thought it is the guy who walks the girl home? No? Maybe I'm wrong. I don't care really. I guess?
The music of my phone got me again. I clciked open and saw a message from Reid again.
Oops. Sorry lol i fell asleep. Next time it'll be you though! Haha goodnight Cass. See ya:P Peace.
Rolling my eyes i sent my last reply for tonight, Hahhh you wish:P Your always the one to fall asleep and it won't change! Night lol, see ya.
Not even taking the time to watch the sending bar i closed my eyes and fell to sleep.